it’s nice to know I can’t measure up
I need to work harder to find my own sense of identity
instead of constantly being swept up in whatever “flavor of the moment” idealization I have towards somebody. I’m like sand; I feel like I have no concrete form. It is far too easy to push me over, to change my whole outlook on my appearance, interests, etc., make me resent myself. In short, I have no shell, nothing to fall back on. I feel I have no true defining feature.
I’m certainly getting better. It’s becoming much easier for me to assert myself, and I’m starting to discover myself slowly. Slowly, but surely.
I don’t even know where to begin or how to say anything
Rebuilding from the ground up
How long did it take for us to get to this point? Half a year? Half a year for me to destroy in one night over something that could’ve easily been worked out? We’re not the same. We can’t ever be the same. Last night proved my attachment but weakened yours. The awkward silences are just truly awkward and unbearable now…before they seemed so, nothing. Easily broken, just lapses in conversation. A bit unnatural, but nothing heavy. Nothing like this.
I don’t get why I always take the most painful route of getting somewhere. Could’ve taken you along with me. Could’ve talked it out. Could’ve done this, could’ve done that…without trying to sever ties that are now sewn back together shakily and unconvincingly. I’m sitting on a swing held together with these and I feel I may crash back down to earth and
I’d deserve every consequence